They may give compliments and drop hints, and even though we believe we are showing reciprocal interest, numbers are never requested from the men or exchanged.
I often wonder if the ‘Black women are aggressive’ trope is hindering our progress on the dating scene, and it is at times demoralising because their interest rarely comes to fruition.
On a few occasions I’ve tried speed dating and singles nights with my White girlfriends, and not only have I been the only women of colour there, I’ve felt distinctly ignored by the men there, even though my friends commented on my exuberance throughout the evenings.
When I’m with my Black girlfriends, we socialise in bars and clubs which are multicultural, and our biggest complaint about non-Black men is their lack of transparency when talking with us.
Their reasons for not dating Black women echo the ubiquitous ‘’they have horrible hair and a bad attitude’’ or ‘‘I’m simply not attracted to them’’.
I’d like to note here that I don’t live in London, and so the dating experiences of Black women there may be different to those who live outside the capital.
I am, of course, pleased that it is now acceptable to date who you want regardless of their skin colour.
However, the proportion of Black men in the UK dating non-Black women eclipses that of Black women doing the same.
The eccentric, open-minded and tolerant reputation of the British is, in general, accurate.
However, I often read American blogs that advise Black women to go to Europe as it is more likely that they’ll find love with a slight irritation – dating non-Black men here is certainly no easier than anywhere else.
I recently ask a Black male friend why he’s dated every other ethnic group except his own, and he said that hasn’t found a ‘decent’ Black woman yet.
He added that his White friends would not rule out dating us, but that he warned them they would have trouble handling a Black woman.
Couple this with the growing Western trend of many Black men seeking to date and mate with women of any other ethnicity except their own and the general invisibility of Black women in the media (when we are represented, we’re aggressive, unfeminine and not the object of any attraction) and you’ll find that Black women in the UK are facing the same conundrum as our sisters across the Atlantic.