When you were dating your man, you ate dinners for which you didn’t pay and walked through doors that he opened for you. To my fourth-basers: I love you more than words can say. I’ll dust off my fancy jeans, we can eat Thai coconut soup and talk about not our kids. Fourth base for moms is so much better than dating fourth base.
When you show up at the park for the first time with your little ones spilling out of the van (along with a healthy amount of cups and dirty napkins, if you’re like me), scan the swingset for anyone you might recognize, and notice that all the other moms are already hanging out in pairs, you realize that your dating years have only just begun.
When you were dating your man, you wore incredible outfits and said, “Oh this old thing? If you love gluten-free, feel free to talk about it. Just don’t start talking in absolutes, making broad, generalizing statements, because you may never make it to third. They might feel like this: Third base is a play date at one of our houses. You better have the relational stamina for this kind of commitment. Just because you want to, not because you’re killing time while your kids do their thing. One fourth-base mom date will last me for a couple of months.
When you date other moms, you pack extra baggies of healthy snacks and push doors open with your face while schlepping car seats. Never use while discussing homeschooling, gluten, gun control, breastfeeding, marriage, red dye number 40, infertility, or Jesus. If there’s a subject that might cause you to stop blinking and/or breathing, save it for fourth base and don’t unleash it at the park. Feel free to bust out your full-blown honk laugh, talk about how soy gives you diarrhea, and how you worry that you’re a crappy mom. There’s dessert, staying out till the security guard kicks you out of the mall parking lot, and no walk of shame as you crawl into bed next to your racked out hubs. Dating for moms is super fun, and you just might get lucky.
Our kids attend some of the same activities, and we’ve enjoyed chatting while they harass their various coaches. First base is hanging out while your kids are in activities together. I usually throw in a snort laugh right around here. If you answer that with any kind of trauma, I’m a-gonna pull it right back together for another mash up, breathe some words of encouragement into your ear, then pull back for some heavy eye contact. If this sounds appealing to you, click the “hug me” button on the right for some digital love.) Fourth base is hanging out without the kids.
You make encouraging comments about each others’ kids as they scream hysterically and hit each other with kick boards and pretend light sabers. (Upon reading this, my husband informed me, “Who are you kidding? You go for full frontal hugging on first base.” So I’m a hug-slut.
• During the Anger Management tour, Eminem played voicemail messages allegedly from Mariah with her saying "Why won't you see me? In between calling her a "bitch" and "cunt" he admitted that they "did have a relationship for about a good six, seven months." He cited their personalities differences as the demise of the relationship and even complimented her talent, but was bothered by "the fact that she denied [they] ever had something." 's "Bagpipes From Baghdad" where he calls Nick Cannon a "prick" and wishes him "luck with the fucking whore" amongst other insults.
The song led to a lengthy blog post from Nick Cannon where he defended his wife, claimed Eminem never got to "second base," and called him racist.
While performing the aforementioned "Clown" a female dancer was brought on stage sporting a blonde wig and a Detroit Pistons jersey.
She never said, "no shots" so it's clear who the target was. One of Mariah's friends told the press that an "impostor" had recorded the messages. "Your mind's on us like mine's on Mariah / And y'all are just like her, you're all fucking liars / But I'll just keep fucking you like I fucked her / Right in the ass with KY yes sir." , Em continued to address his relationship with Mariah.
I got to second with my best friend when I invited her to my house after chatting her up a few times at our kids’ playgroup on base.
I realized we were pretty good at first base, but I sensed she wanted more. That is, I invited her over for a playdate with the kids.
I’m not usually inclined to attend these events voluntarily, and then, if and when I actually show up, I’m not the type of person to approach people I don’t know, especially if I sense I’m an outsider looking in on an already established inner circle.