In fact, he’d probably currently look at living together as something that would trap him and confine him. nobody truly ever knows what the future holds for them or their relationship. (By “getting it” I mean the partner not participating in the fantasy that the other one has in his/her mind for the relationship.) Don’t get caught up in fantasy land.
Now at this point, it would be really easy for a girl to get really upset and think there’s no future. See things exactly as they are at this exact moment and don’t make it into a problem for yourself. I’m not talking about something that you think is worth coercing him for.
Now we’re in our 60s and 70s, and the notion of living together, while still having many of the earlier advantages, includes new issues never faced in youth.
Caretaker is a word I hear frequently, and I’m not referring to bringing chicken soup to a loved one with the flu.
We live independent lives now, and our hope is that it is our independence that will make this new living arrangement viable.
We have friends separately and together and routinely spend time away from each other.
There are several reasons besides wanting to live in another country. But my partner, Nancy, is still working as a therapist and can’t go with me now.
She will visit me a few times during the six months I’m away, hopefully for a few weeks at a time, but we both realize our relationship is about to change.It’s a great part of relationships – it’s the part that makes us grow as people. if you can live with the relationship exactly as it is right now… It’s funny, but a lot of the time relationship conflicts happen because one person has an idea or vision in their head and their partner has no idea of what the other one’s “image” of the relationship is.You figured that you would eventually move in together. Regardless of what vision you had in your head of how you think things should be or could be eventually, he’s not looking for that to be the reality right now. And instead of giving each other trust and space, the one with the “image” or “vision” of how the relationship “should” be just starts freaking out and attacking their partner for not “getting it”.I could be wrong, but I have the impression that you’re not at that point yet.And when it comes to a relationship, you need to accept all of the person – you can’t pick and choose what parts of him you want to accept and which you don’t. maybe not immediately in the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship, but sooner or later a relationship will force us to face things we would rather not face.